Dependence

I'm a pretty independent person.  I tend to do things my way, even if it's not the best or easiest.  I've been this way my whole life.  Some call this being hard headed; maybe I'm a little of both.  (If you want stories, you'll have to ask my parents.  I refuse to incriminate myself.)  Independence can be a good and a bad thing. 

I love to travel: the adventure, new cultures, meeting people, beautiful sights, and even trying new foods.  Being independent has let me see the world: and it is a beautiful place.  Independence has also allowed me to be comfortable with myself.  There are so many people who can't handle being alone; I, on the other hand, find it thrilling.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a people person.  I love a crowd and a party; but there is something beautiful about the times when it's just me. 

But-and there's usually a but-when it comes to my relationship with God-trusting Him completely-I get in the way.  I have the "I can do it by myself" mentality.  It just can't work that way.  Being where I am and doing what I do, people think I have this rock solid faith.  It's easy to let everyone think highly of you: and it's very easy to get a big head.  All the while, the truth is: everyday is a faith struggle.  You don't get this amazing relationship and trust in Christ just by moving to a foreign country.  If only it were that easy. 

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time." ~Oswald Chambers

He is doing great things through me here.  BUT: nothing can compare with what He's doing in me.  I'm pretty sure the biggest thing that is going to come out of this chapter of my life is learning how to depend on Him alone.  I think that He had to take me away from everything that made me feel comfortable to show me that I need him in my everything.  I'm learning how to be deliberate to let Him have control of my life: my thoughts, words, and actions.  Sometimes this is a scary place to be.  It's hard to be vulnerable and it's hard to lose foolish pride. 

Being independent isn't a bad thing; but being solely dependent on Christ is the best thing.

"When you bow down before the Lord and admit you dependence on Him, He will lift you up..." ~James 4:10 

I want to be dependent on Christ so He can get the glory, and Him alone.  My prayer is to lose myself in the beauty of Christ.